How is it that people make it through things that just seem impossible and completely overwhelming? Since we did not travel to Haiti this year for the adoption I had a total of two and a half weeks off from work over the holidays. At the beginning of my vacation I was extremely optimistic that we might receive our approval before Christmas. As each day passed without any news, my optimism faded. In the second week of my vacation I realized that the likelihood of us receiving the approval in 2013 was slim. As Christmas approached, it started to weigh on me more and more that we still would not know a name or a face of our little girl for the second Christmas in a row. I made it through Christmas without any major meltdowns. We tried to incorporate our daughter into our traditions, where we could, so that we could at least look back and share with her how much she was loved even when there was only hope of her.
The day after Christmas I decided that I would begin working on a puzzle that I had purchased to help us remember all of the people that have helped us put the puzzle pieces of this adoption together. Our intent is that we will add names of people that have helped us to the back of the puzzle pieces. We will then frame the puzzle and hang it in our daughter's room. The puzzle that I bought is a 1000 piece puzzle and it turns out it was an extremely difficult puzzle to put together. As I poured all of the pieces on the table I struggled to know where to begin. It felt completely overwhelming. Eli and I had already picked out all of the edge pieces and we had managed to get the boarder finished weeks ago, so I felt like everything just blended together.
As I tried to figure out how to even separate the puzzle pieces I couldn't stop thinking about how appropriate it was that I got an impossible puzzle to remind us of the adoption in years to come. I kept thinking about how frustrating it is that we still hadn't heard about our referral. The more I thought about the delay the more I thought about the lack of control I have over this adoption process. As I sat there and aimlessly tried to fit pieces together my frustration and despair seemed to keep building. I was alone in the house and decided that I needed to change my focus and perspective. I decided to put on some of my favorite worship songs and had my own little praise and worship session as I worked on the puzzle. The songs reminded me of the hope that I have that even when I don't have control, I know the One that does.
The puzzle was still challenging to put together, but as soon as I took the focus off of how difficult it was I started to figure out the best approach to get started. Before I knew it the puzzle was more than started. By the end of that puzzle building session the literal heart of the puzzle was outlined. It was the perfect picture to reflect where we are at in this adoption process. Our hearts for this little girl are outlined in our lives, but still missing her presence. There are still a lot of pieces of the process that need to come alongside of where our hearts are, but they are coming together and we will continue to trust that it is in God's timing; even when we don't understand His timing. Within three days I was able to complete the puzzle. It is now a beautiful reminder that just as the impossible puzzle was put together, so too will our family be brought together through this adoption process that feels impossible.
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